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21 May 2012 @ 08:44 pm
In 3 weeks you have become a stranger to me. You are surprised that i am still hurting. You are moving on. You were my future, i wanted to have children with you, realize our dreams together, grow old together...you have changed so much and i sit here thinking of you. Wanting you to kiss me, tell me it will all be ok. Give me a hug. Anything to show you care, cared...felt something towards me. Something that tells me the last 6 years werent for nothing...but it is all in vain. I wont get anything from you because you owe me nothing. I am nothing.
29 April 2012 @ 12:58 pm
... Its over
09 April 2012 @ 01:52 pm
When do i get to be who i want to be? When will there be enough money for school? When will we have a family? When will i not be the only one with money? When will you notice me? When does love become not enough? When does work get good again? How does one get happy?

Current Mood: pensivepensive
25 December 2011 @ 11:18 am
Sometimes life feels lonely even when there are people all around you.
...Is being in a long term relationship and having that feeling like you are just not enough. Like there may always be someone around the corner that can do everything you do and more and do it with a sexy smile and outfit.
I want a puppy! There is one available, my landlord just needs to say yes! Im sending out good vibes for the yes! Send them out for me! Give Amber a pupy!!

Yes, I am aware that this seems a little childish, I just want to get started on my life and I want a puppy.

Remember, good vibes....
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
21 March 2009 @ 01:08 pm
I am so sorry livejournal that i have forgotten you. My lack of writing usually means that my life is uneventful but in this case.. its more i dont feel like whining anymore. I do miss reading about my friends though. Hope everyone is well in livejournal land.
18 May 2008 @ 04:06 pm
Thats right, Im writing in my fucking blog and its in response to you. You hate me now because i tried to help you? Because i commented on the fact that you let yourself get stoned out of your tree too often? Or that I think its ridiculous that instead of dealing with the issues you have to face you are going to starve yourself into nothingness and make us all watch you slowly destroy yourself? Dont you realize that killing yourself hurts those around you more than it hurts yourself? I only comment and question because I care and for that you storm off and leave us all without saying bye? All because I care? You fucked off to the other side of the country and left your home, your life, you job and the people who care about you behind all to go on a two week drug bender that made you come back looking like an emaciated ethiopian child.

I tell you that you are too skinny and you lose it on me. It is NOT my fault that you have decided anorexia is a method of expression. I found you 2 jobs and a place to live when you came home. I care enough about you to not let you throw your life away and for that i get shit. I get an angry version of you where I am the bad guy for caring. That is what friends do FYI. They care about you and try to help you through the hard times. You KNOW that you are too skinny. You have commented on it but you dont choose to do anything about it.

So in place of me who YOU call your mom away from home because you know that I care enough to help you unconditionally like a mother would I am going to give you what you want... nothing.

I realize that this is very dramatic and very juvenile and very be-all-end-all but that is how i feel right now. I am so angry that I dont even know how to work what i want to say to you so in order to keep myself from bursting I am writing in an online journal because i know that no one is going to read it.
05 January 2008 @ 04:17 pm
Do you ever randomly search people online? I do all the time, just to see what is going on out there in the world. Well, I dont know if it is because I am flagged as being a female on here or something BUT everywhere I go, every site i view it seems to be some sad girl stuck in her lonely world talking about how much she eats in the day and then how often she throws up to be just as skinny as this little twinky friend she has, or her abnormally thin boyfriend whom she just CANT be fatter than. Seriously. What the fuck.

I had food today. Substancial enough to give me a breakfast and a lunch and I am very excited at the concept of dinner. I enjoy, scratch that, love cooking and I like to feed other people as well. Im happy about that.

Stop throwing up people, its fucked up. Sick people throw up.. need I say more?
29 October 2007 @ 05:47 pm
Does anyone know any way to go about finding direction in your life? Why is it that some people know what they want to do from the day there were born and other people spend their whole lives trying to decide what to be? The problem with me is that (and not to toot my own horn) but i am pretty good at everything. I have a little bit of knowledge in a lot of things BUT I dont excell at anything? So you try deciding what to do with your life when you dont know what you are really good at!
Not to mention, i have so many dreams and ideas for what i want to do in my life but i cant seem to get a grasp on any one thing...

I need someone to just tell me what to do with my life.
Current Mood: confusedconfused