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14 August 2013 @ 11:55 pm
To each their own? Or manufactured...  
Is it the apathetic feeling of an empty and unfulfilled mind or is it the eagerness of a youth not fully realized which propels these thoughts of getting up and going - saying screw it all?

Debt, responsibility, civil life... I don't know. At this point it all seems a little on the ridiculous side. Work work work to die. Work work work for a 2 week break. Work work work for a sweater???

There is so much life to be lived and yet here I stand/sit/fester in a tomb of my own creation. Locked in the by mundane responsibilities I have created and surrounded myself with.
What is it going to take for me to get up and live my life? Inspiration surrounds me on all sides, the universe telling me to get up and go but I am trapped.

Swaddled in the "comforts" of life that I am told will bring me happiness. Swaddled in a "richness" others dream of. Buried.

What are comforts and what is richness when you are alone, bitter and resentful of all that you have. When all you crave is closeness with other beings. When what you seek is adventure and passion.

Get me out before i get myself out. Because you stupid fuck you have ruined something inside of me that was starting to heal. You took it away and now all I am left with are these thoughts of inadequacy, loneliness and a certain level of firm apathy for it all. Doubting my strength and shaking my inner equilibrium just enough to make me scared of that ledge. Scared that I wont be able to stop myself from falling off into the unknown darkness.

To be Dean, to be Sal, to have that abandon, freedom and disregard for the expectation to the norm. To get out there on that road of life and take the good with the bad and truly live. That is where it is at. To take back what was yours so firmly you feel the juices running. That is what life is.

Give me the strength.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic